Here I am, five months after I left the center. How can I resume this five months experience? Well, different from the last year, but also very joyful.

I got back on track again. I’m training in my school in Almada three days a week, but in time, I intend to return to everyday training. I’m still adjusting to my new schedule of work, training and school. Yes, I’m back in school again. I’m really very happy for doing it.

I started school in September 14^th. Although I already finished high school seven years ago and have been on university, I haven’t study regularly for quite a long time. After I left my university in 2004, I took some courses here and there, but none had a strong emphasis on maths or physics (two areas which I love). Because I want to return to university, either here if I can’t return to the center or in California, I decided to study again to prepare myself for that. Since I have the opportunity, I asked some high school teachers if I could attend their classes. By doing that, I have better conditions to prepare myself for higher studies and remember everything that I learned before.

I’m very happy to be studying again. I feel like I never felt before about school. It’s kind of strange to be in school with kids almost 10 years younger, but I feel it has been a very nice experience. I’m studying hard like I never did before in my life, so, because of that, my grades are pretty high.

This is my old love reborn. My love for science. My love for knowledge and logical thought. I wish I had felt like this in the past. I don’t regret the journey that I chose because it gave me many things which I love a lot, although, I feel that I could have done better.

I realize now how much the center has taught me about myself and my life in just one year. I have to thank a lot Shifu. Although he’s not my real father, he gave me important insights about life as a father should give to a son. In a my new family, he’s indeed my father and my teacher, that’s way is my Shifu.

Embrace knowledge. Love to learn and learn to love.

P.S – I promise to keep everyone posted more regularly.

Hello my friends,

Long time since I wrote my last post. More than a month as already passed after I left the Center. I left the Center with pure happiness in my heart ready to discover nature in Canada and also a little bit inside myself. I guess that life’s serendipity always show us that we don’t really know what’s coming and why it’s coming.

I arrived in Lisbon on July 12th, Sunday night. A couple of friends picked me up at the airport late at night even though they had to work on the next day. I was expecting one person, but four came, for my surprise. It felt very good to see them, although the situation wasn’t the best.

My first week here was very calm. I avoided telling everyone that I was here. My mind wasn’t too happy and clear. Solving my problem was the only thing in my mind so I wanted to focus on that. I saw just a small group of friends.

A week after my arrival I went to the embassy to try to get a new visa. No luck! My position now is to “wait” for results from the center. There’s not much that I can do. So, after my embassy meeting, I released some pressure and began to face that my stay in Portugal could be longer than desirable. Since that day I tried to fit again in the Portuguese lifestyle.

I began to get in contact with more friends, slowly telling them that I was here. Fortunately, after a few days here it was held another edition of the Portuguese YMAA Summer Camp, in Costa da Caparica. With the permission of the direction of the event I was able attend to the event. It was five days of hard training during morning and afternoon. I tried to choose the classes with heavier training so I could maintain my physical endurance high. It was an amazing week. I met many old friends from Portugal and other countries, Nicky Yang (USA), Enrico (Italy), Rosanna (Italy), Paul (Ireland), Erik Elsemans (Belgium), Vitor Marques (France), Arménio (Portugal/Poland) and many others. I also had the previleage to meet Grand Master Kao Tao. He was invited to come here and teach some Taiji and Qigong. It was a great time.

After this great event, I decided that I needed to start working to earn some money. Staying here and just watching the money fly away isn’t a good option. I started working in a surf school in my area helping them with they’re web site and creating some graphic design content such as flyers, brochures, etc. I’m also working independently as a web designer. It has been something that I always liked to do, so it felt like a good option.

I’ve been trying to maintain the training, but since the summer camp finished, I haven’t trained as much. I’m trying to put some effort in making some money. The budget is really low so I have to put some time in growing money.

Part of me is very happy to be here. I’m seeing many people that I missed and I met many new people. But still, there’s a part of me that’s sad for not being in the mountain. The life in the mountain is not easy but I miss it. I miss the company of my martial brothers, of Shifu, of the place, Xiao Hu, Meowgi, etc. I miss…

Life… Where’s the answer to it?

Today is finally the day to leave Vancouver to go back to Portugal. I’ve been here three days contacting people and trying to figure out ways to solve my problem. Most of the nights spent here, I had trouble falling asleep thinking about this. I couldn’t even meditate well. I just can’t stop thinking about it.

I keep thinking on what I have to do in Portugal to get the visa back again. I searched for more info in the American embassy in Portugal and in the US government website. And, I even read legislation. I discovered some things that don’t help me too much, but I’ll still try my best to get the visa back. I already scheduled an appointment on the embassy on July 20^th.

I will get back to US. I’ll do whatever I can to go back to the program. I know that there are some haters around that already say that Master Yang is wasting time with me. Let me tell you guys something… It’s not because a person has doubts sometimes or feels lost that you should quit on them. If your son as some doubts about his future or has problems, will you quit on him or help him to get through a bad phase. I do want to stay in the program, and I’m sorry if I’m not perfect like you guys that just don’t have bad moments and obstacles in your life. I’m sorry if I have internal issues that sometimes make me question what I do. If you guys are those types of people who were born with your path so clearly defined that you never had to question anything, I have to say congratulations for being Mr. Perfects. I’m not like that.

Another thing, you don’t know me. Why do you say such thing? You don’t know what I already had to do to get there. You don’t have a clue. You think I’m just a spoiled kid that always had everything and never needed to do anything to have what he wants? You’re damn wrong! Those who really know me know that I had to sacrifice many things to be there. And I would do it again. My friend Jáchym told me once, “As long as you don’t quit fighting, you deserve to be here (there in this case).” He’s right. I didn’t quit yet and I won’t even if I don’t get back there. You know why? I love the art. And I can still work my ass off to do what I can to preserve some aspects of the art to the deepest level that I can. And I maybe stupid in many areas, but one thing I know. I can make things happen when I’m really determined to. This is the case. If before I was more passive about it, now I will become aggressive. Not to people, but in actions.

On this trip to Canada I found what I was searching for. And that is self-confidence. Confidence that I can make it happen. I have confidence that I deserve what I have because I struggle for it. The confidence that life is what we make it, and I’m going to make mine.

So to all you haters, I say bother with your life and clean your own backyard instead of spitting venom in other people’s lives. I don’t have to prove anything to you guys. I already proved what I had to prove to those who deserve my respect. I’m out!

Dear friends,

Right now I wanted to be writing how amazing my trip to Canada was, because it was really awesome, but I can’t. A big issue arose. When I tried to re-enter the US yesterday I was refused. They didn’t allow me to enter in the US for another semester of training. They say that my visa is not valid for that. So I have to go back to Portugal.

I have most of my belongings at the center, so, I tried to buy a ticket from Arcata to Lisbon and ask to re-enter US just to go get my stuff and solve some legal issues like closing my bank account. They didn’t allowed me again, and even worst, they just cancelled my B1/B2 visa that was going to expire only at 2018.

Right now I’m stuck in Vancouver until Saturday, when I can finally fly back to Portugal. My friends, if I don’t get a student visa, this may mean the end of the 10-year program to me. I can fight against my own mind, have ups and downs, but I can’t control this. It’s beyond me. I was so motivated for this next semester after vacations and now this happens. I tried, I did my best. If I can’t return to the center to continue the program because of this, it’s going to be sad. I will keep trying to see what can be done, but pretty much depends on the center being approved as a recognized SEVIS school.

After so much effort, fate just turns on me this way. Oh well, we got keep our heads up and look forward.

To those in Portugal who miss me, I guess we will see each other soon. To my brothers at the center, keep it strong. Things will be solved. Much Love!

My great friend Sting (the singer) once said “I’m an alien, I’m a legal alien, I’m an English man in New York.” I feel like him now, but I’m an alien roaming in Vancouver, Canada.

The trip starting on July 1^st in Rio Dell, Humboldt County, CA and ending on July 2^nd in Deep Cove, North Vancouver, BC, was very nice.
It started just fine going south to Oakland, CA. I stayed about 25 minutes in Oakland and changed to the next bus towards Sacramento, CA. Here the problems started. We left Sacramento at 9:20pm and I really wanted to sleep because I only slept two hours on the previous night. Lucky me! I got a group of guys around me who kept talking and laughing all the time. Whenever I was almost sleeping they would wake me up. It was really bad. This trip was from Sacramento to Seattle, WA. We stopped in Salem, OR to change driver and have a little break. An old man seating behind them completely flipped his mind and was getting crazy because they didn’t shut up. I thought we were going to have a fight in the bus. Fortunately, the guys moved to other seats and stopped talking. I was finally able to get some sleep. We stopped in many places before Seattle. At Seattle, one of the guys was still there and I started to talk with him. He told me about his past life and about his change for the future. He was a nice guy. We were going to Everett, WA, so he got into the same bus that was going to Vancouver. After speaking a lot about each others lives, goals and dreams, we arrived at Everett and he left. He gave me his phone number and I promised to call one day to see how he’s doing.

A few hours later we went arrived at the Canadian border for customs check. I passed pretty easy although I have written on the form that I had food and a weapon with me (Kukri). Only about ten minutes later, we were heading towards downtown Vancouver. There, I had no Canadian money and the bus driver was cool and let me in. The second one wasn’t that polite. After coming from the ATM I only had 20 dollars. I didn’t that we have to pay the bus with the right change or have a ticket. I had none. I thought we could pay with a bill but he said he didn’t have change. I asked the other passengers if they could change the bill because it was too big and he became mad with me. And I didn’t understand why. I told to just sit down and let it be. I was sad because I didn’t mean to offend anyone. On the way, I started to look at the machine and I realized that people here only use the right change or a ticket. When we finished the trip, I apologize again.
When we got out a lady spoke with me and offered me a ticket if the last bus driver wouldn’t let in. He did, so I thanked her for being so kind to me.

Later, I arrived at my destination, Deep Cove. I went to a pizza place and ordered a nice Hawaiian medium size pizza. Deep Cove is a beautiful place as the pictures show. When my stomach was already full I decided to find the entrance to Mount Seymor Provincial Park. It took me a lot of time and pain to get there. All that happened for a simple reason. My backpack was super heavy. I think was even worst than what I used to carry on the Marines.

Finally I found the entrance. Nearby there is a mall area with a Safeway and a Starbucks Coffee. I went there to try to connect to the internet. It wasn’t working so I had to come here today. Then, I continued my walk super tired up the mountain following the road, trying to find a place to camp. After a long mind blowing, too painful for my state of mind walk, I found a nice place to camp and spend the night. Today, I woke at 8:20am, meditated for about 30minutes and had some leftover pizza for breakfast. The pack was so heavy that I decided to leave some things behind. I hide the stuff that I realize I wouldn’t need and continue my walk trough Baden Powell trail towards Deep Cove again. There I swam for a while, had lunch and rest for about half an hour. After that, I came to the mall area again to check my emails because I was waiting for an email back from a friend. Guess what?! No email back. I decided to stay for a while to write this post.

Now I’m going to try to call my friend and go up the mountain again. I’m going to continue to be an alien for this people who look at my with a huge backpack on my back and wonder what the hell am I doing!

Lessons learned until now:

-
Always check exactly the weight you’re carrying, so you don’t get surprises when you can’t go back anymore.

-  Don’t ever, ever carry your laptop with you for a camping trip unless you really need to or you have a very small laptop, pda or something similar. This lesson is costing me a lot on my back.

-  Take only the necessary clothes. You got to be prepared but it’s not like you have to take your entire closet. I thought it was the right amount, but now I feel that it’s too much.

P.S – I came here to be a monk in deep connection with nature. But I realized today I choose the wrong place. This place is crowded with beautiful women. On my morning walk, 35 out of 40 people that I saw were women. What kind of place is this?! I love it…

(Don’t say that! People are going to read this! Bad monk! Bad monk!)