For all of you who follow my blog, I think this is important for you to know.

Sometimes I don’t really feel that well. Since they left to Taiwan, things started to get very nasty inside me. Somethings started to collide. Some personalities don’t fit that well, and the adjustment process is complicated and sometimes painful. Maybe this is all a process of my mind, but at least it’s how I feel now. I like them all! I already said that, and I repeat it. But, when we do group stuff, or we have to make decisions, things don’t go as perfect as I wished. Maybe I demand to much. Maybe, the problem is on the way I see things, but at least it’s how I feel now.
I’m mad? No, well… Maybe sometimes. I’m angry? No. I’m frustrated? Sometimes. Do I have some bad thoughts about some of them, sometimes? Yes. Do I get frustrated with the training? Maybe in somethings.
The evil side of myself is coming out. The heaven is changing to hell, and I feel far from where I want to be. I feel like I’m still a bad person in a bad world striving to attain the unattainable… But, maybe that’s just me.

Most of my friends asked me what would happen if I wouldn’t get along with someone? How would I survive the 10 years in those conditions? Well… I guess I will survive. I’m pretty aware of my goals here and I won’t destroy that because of someone that I don’t get along with (it’s not the case yet, I still get along with all of them well). I will do what I have to do even if that means a “not so good” relationship.

I also realized another important thing. If I would quit the program because of something like that, I would fail in all my life for a simple reason… This kind of feelings I will have everywhere. It’s not something external, it’s something internal. I felted this way also in Portugal, in my work, sometimes in training, or in other things. These are the things that I have to polish in myself. This is the process of growing as a person. The process of balancing myself according with the external “noise”. It’s that fight of no fight to reach the loud silence, in the deepest places of ourselves. Maybe it’s just fear… fear of something that I can’t control. Fear of something that I’m not really aware of.

I’m telling you all this because I think it’s important. Don’t think now that my life here is being painful, or that I want to go back, or that I don’t like this. Don’t even think of being sad because of what I wrote. Those who really know me, understand that I’m pretty good. This is just part of the process. This is just me being human, having feelings and learning how to be a better person. When you read this words, remember all the advises that I gave to you, for most of them are gems that will improve your life, and I also need to remember them in this phase of my life.

The Darth Vader is not your Boss, it’s not your Mother in law, it’s not your worst enemy, it’s not anyone that you think that makes your life bad. The Darth Vader is you!! And you better be aware of that, because there’s not much to change outside, but many things inside.